There is a whole discipline of helping people with moods and memory and reasoning by the use of music. We all know that the “first therapist” was David trying to help king Saul by playing calming music to him. We are commanded to sing in our hearts and make a joyful noise unto the Lord.My favorite Biblical use of music was when 3 enemy armies were coming to destroy Jerusalem and there was no way they could defend themselves. They cast themselves on the mercy of the Lord and he told them to just send the “Church choir” out to praise the Lord and he would take care of the rest. God arraigned for the 3 armies to start quarreling amongst themselves and killed each other off and all God’s people had to do was to pick up the spoil. 2 Chronicles 20

It is important to use healing music. Don’t forget that the devil was once Lucifer and he was himself a musical instrument and can use music to depress or agitate. If you want peace and logic then start with listening to music written by Mozart when he was a young boy. Listen to Gregorian chants and hum or sing hymns. A half hour a day will restore a troubled mind. Music is mathamatical and logical if written properly and will heal the logic and calming elements in your brain.

Write your own songs and sing to the Lord a joyful noise, sing a new song Psalm96:1

Write about how he has provided, guided, empowered, Psalm 21:13 supported you etc. Judges 5:3

Sing about his wonderful names and character, his holiness and mercy Psalm 18:49

Sing and play instruments if able Psalm 33:2

Meditate on the words in the hymns you sing Psalm 47:7 I Corinthians 14:15

Sing where others can hear you Psalm 57:9

I will sing to find the strength to keep my daily promises to him. Psalm 61:8

Join with others in singing but sing out loudly along with them Psalm 66:4

Sing of God’s love and his ways to our children. Psalm 89:1

Sing when I get old, sing everyday of my life. Psalm104:33

While singing, enjoy the moment and the pleasantness of singing. Psalm 135:3

Sing while falling asleep on my bed. Psalm149:5

Listen for the singing of the universe of the skies and woods and join in with their praise of God. Isaiah 49:13


The question is, “If I follow Christ and his practical truths, will I wind up with nothing and isn’t the little the devil’s way offers me better than nothing?”

For example someone is single or in a loveless marriage and God says, “No sex outside of marriage.” True pornography or adultery is hollow and empty but , Isn’t it better than nothing?” “Hanging around with ungodly friends leads me into sin and can never meet my inner need and gets in the way of close fellowship with Jesus, but Jesus is invisible and people at church have their cliques and some friends feels better than none, right?” Filling my time with worldly sports and entertainment does not lead to a sense of purpose and value but it is fun and exciting and reading the Bible can be so dry so artificial “fun” is better than nothing, right?” Surely going to work and doing a great job so that I get approval from my boss and peers and extra pay for overtime must be the right thing, and being home and helping out just seems to get me criticized and there is little appreciation. So some approval is better than nothing, right? Working to be strong and have power must be better than to be weak and powerless, right? Getting drunk, smoking pot isn’t real life but it makes me feel better and if I don’t use it I feel miserable so isn’t it better than nothing?

Wrong! Nothing of this world with Jesus is better than everything without him. Also I can’t try to find a balance of some world and some Jesus. It must be all him and his for the rest to mean anything, fulfill in any real way and be worth experiencing or having. Mark 8:36 For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?

It is always better in the long run and even for the now to be dealing with real life and responsibilities and laying up treasure in heaven and growing in character and ministering to real people. We have a whole civilization that is running to virtual reality and away from the life God has given us. Sure real life is slower and often the only one who appreciates is God and it is a lot less exciting in the moment. No one ever had a heart attack having sex with their wife but with the wrong person watch out for the heart attack. However the excitement fades fast and is replaced with the devastation and damage that the new and exciting covered up for a moment. So we go on to more and more dramatic running from life and finally just collapse in burn out and have nothing to show for it all.

We have to start with finding that Jesus and his kingdom building and growing into his image and likeness are enough. Only then will whatever I add actually add anything. Matthew 6:33/ Proverbs 10:22 Don’t seek what the world seeks but seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things shall be added and bring no sorrow with them. Hosea 2:7And she shall follow after her lovers, but she shall not overtake them; and she shall seek them, but shall not find them: than shall she say, I will go and return to my first husband; for then was it better with me than now., John6:27 Labour not for the meat which perisheth, but for that meat which endureth unto everlasting life, which the Son of man shall give unto you: for him hath God the Father sealed., Luke 12:15 And he said unto them, Take heeed, and beware of covetousness: for a man’s life consisteth not in the abundance of the things which he possesseth.

The hard part is that the empty world give intense and immediate pleasure which only lasts briefly and godliness can be subtle and slow and even painful. But it is real!

Lord help me be OK with what feels like nothing rather than sell out for the fake something of the world and miss out on you.



2 Chronicles 36:21 suggests that healthy soil and therefore healthy nutrition is really important! The purpose of letting the land rest, (keep sabbath) was for better nutrition in the food. Of all the evils God could have focused on, he focused on the fact that they had not let the land lie fallow every 7 years.

  1. MUCUS lining: This is where the healthy bacteria live and make our neurotransmitters. 80% of Serotonin is found in the gut made by bacteria in the mucus. It also protects the lining of the gut from irritants and unhealthy bacteria which live in the center of the gut.
    Eat “slimy” food: oatmeal, bananas, okra,bone broth,kombucha, “slippery elm” or aloe, which you can find at health food stores.
  2. Avoid aspirin it dissolves the mucous lining. Use Tylenol, acetaminophen, instead but read the directions because too much Tylenol can hurt your liver.
  3. LEAKY GUT: comes from inflammation, thin mucus and too many “enemy” bacteria eating the connections between gut lining cells. Leads to large food particles getting into the blood and agitating the immune system. One must find out what causes your gut to react. Often it is food you ate a lot of as a child. Avoid these foods. Even when your gut is doing better, you will have a permanent priming to react with inflammation to foods you have been sensitized to.
  4. FEED THE HELPFUL BACTERIA; These eat fiber. So eat a high fiber diet or take Metamucil or Benifiber or anything that says, “might cause gas” Start slowly so that you may adjust to the fermenting and resultant gas without being uncomfortable. Drink lots of water with the fiber. Irritated bowels move food through too fast and you have loose stools. The fiber not only feeds the healthy bacteria, it holds onto the water and keeps the stool soft. This prevents diverticulitis, appendicitis, hemorrhoids etc. (Fiber Con is not a prebiotic since the bacteria can’t digest or ferment it, it will keep the stools soft and won’t cause gas but does not feed the bacteria.)
  5. REGULARLY REPLACE THE HEALTHY BACTERIA: These live in the mucus lining and are Lactobacillis plantarum and Bifido bifidum. You can eat sauerkraut, miso,tempeh,buttermilk,kimchee, Kefir, or yogurt and get lots of healthy bacteria, or you can take probiotics (Just pick up 50 billion with at least 10 varieties and it will have these and other helpful bacteria) These respond to requests from the brain and make more Serotonin as well as Dopamine and Nor-epinephrine, GABBA and Glutimate.

5.DON’T FEED THE ENEMY BACTERIA: These live in the center of the gut and thrive on sugar! We need to not eat things that need powerful machinery to refine, Ie. Sugar and white bread and white pasta etc.Even potatoes are too simple a carbohydrate.

  1. CAST ALL YOUR CARES ON HIM: Anger, ruminating on problems, worry over the possible future, bitterness over the past, guilt over the past etc. all dump out adrenaline , cortisol, thyroid, and crank up the gut’s immune system and shift blood from the gut to the muscles, all of which irritates the gut.
  2. Use antibiotics sparingly as they kill the good and the bad bacteria. Make sure you replace the probiotic bacteria after taking antibiotics.
  3. Be careful with steroids such as Prednisone. They will calm down the inflammation but some inflammation is needed to fight off attempts by the enemy bacteria to invade. It is better to have a gut that is not inflamed because of the above steps.


I recently got a near lethal case of COVID and these steps helped me.

  1. I was and continued taking 5000 units of Vitamin D daily
    (If you get covid and have not been taking Vitamin D then the advice is to take a loading dose of 10 five thousand mg caps twice a day for 3 days,( I know, that would be 50,000mg twice a day)—then decrease to 5000 daily)
  2. I stayed hydrated, I lost taste and appetite so made myself drink chicken broth and liquids.
  3. I stayed humid, I got a humidity monitor at the pharmacy for $10 and kept my house and bedroom above 35%. I had to be careful not to let a lot of outside winter air in, it is very dry. I bought a “large room” humidifier since I don’t have one on my furnace. I also used a cast iron pot and boiled water on the stove. (Cast iron wont cause trouble if I forgot and ran it dry.
  4. I took 50mg Zinc daily to block the cycle of viral replication in the cell.
  5. The Zinc has to get into the cell and Hydroxychloroquine pushes it in but is often not available. The Quercetin 500mg works and has better side effects. While I had fevers and chills, I took it twice a day then decreased to once a day.
  6. My lungs were involved, it is essential to cough out the gunk to avoid pneumonia. So I took Mucinex twice a day and got a nebulizer or vaporizer at the pharmacy. I did the nebulizer mist at least twice a day to keep the “gunk” moist. It seems to help to put ½ teaspoon of colloidal silver water into the mist generator.
  7. Normal oxygen % should be 96-100% , if it falls to the low 80’s you need oxygen and may need to go to the hospital. You can buy an oxygen monitor at any pharmacy and I found it comforting to check. I used an oxygen concentrator from Inogen and it was fun to watch my oxygen climb from80 to 93. If it had not climbed up, I would have gone to the hospital.
  8. ( They are very expensive at about 1700 dollars. Your doctor will not authorize oxygen rentals till they think you are ill enough to go to the hospital. You might ask your doctor about the option of staying home with oxygen to avoid secondary infections at the hospital. However if you are really ill, the hospital can give you antiviral medication and hydroxychloroquine which you can’t get at home.

9. I took colloidal silver water which kills the virus on contact but not when it is in the cells. I took a half cup and swished it in my mouth for a min. twice a day and swallowed to decrease the impact the virus had on my gut. I found it at health food stores or on line. Then I found someone who makes it at home and it was much cheaper. There are even kits for making your own. It seems to kill the unhealthy bacteria in the gut lumen and leave the healthy ones in the mucus alone. It also kills virus and fungi.

10. I slept a lot and that was good. I did push myself to get up and walk around some though so I wouldn’t get clots in my legs. I was cautious because getting up too early and doing too much can set you way back.

  1. I had some Imodium on hand for diarrhea if the virus hit my gut but my gut symptoms were moderate.

11.Aspirin is OK short term. It is a blood thinner and the virus can cause clots. Long term it does damage the mucus lining of the GI tract. Tylenol is OK if used in moderation but read the label. Too much can damage the liver.

  1. I kept my mind occupied when awake with prayer, Bible reading, movies, writing letters etc. Depression can be strong, leaving you feeling doomed and trapped. Remember that the stats are in your favor.
  2. When you recover, still get the immunization. It generates a lot more antibodies than having had the illness so is still recommended for long term immunity.


It is all on how I look at it. To the question, “Is it half full or half empty?” Like most Biblical balances, the answer is—YES!

Life always delivers a choice; I can look at it God’s way and thrive under stress, or I can look at it my way and play the victim, “poor me” role and be destroyed.

Jesus pointed to the harvest and said: Lift up your eyes and look! He looked at the multitude and saw them.

First he wants me to see what is in front of my face, right now, right here. He does not want me to go off inside my head and fuss with tomorrow yesterday and elsewhere. He says, “Take NO thought for tomorrow, for food for clothes for, – – – for anything.

Next He wants me to tear my focus from what I don’t have, what I can’t do, from who isn’t in my life, from how messed up the people in my life are,from what I am not, and from what God is not doing the way I think he should. He wants me to stop taking the positives for granted, stop finding fault, stop comparing, (2 Corinthians 10:12, they…comparing themselves are not wise) stop wishing things were different and start taking what is and doing the little that I can and leave the outcome to him.

Instead I need to ask:

What can I do.

What has God given me?

Who has God put in my life?

Who am I in Jesus?

What have I seen God do in my life recently?

Let’s take some “negatives” and practice seeing the half full glass in the same situations.

Do I have few people in my life? –A chance to rely more on friendship with the Lord. A chance to relate to other lonely people and show myself friendly Prov 18:28. I have more time to spend in God’s Word.

Rejected by close friend? I can relate to David, “My own familiar friend lifted up his heel against me.” I can join in the sufferings of Jesus “they all forsook him and fled, Colossians 1:24. I can feel with the apostle Paul “no one stood with me” 2 Timothy 4:16. I can see it as an opportunity to pray for those who despitefully use me, “Father forgive them, do not hold this against them”

Financial loss? Chance to see God provide and to reset my priorities, “my life does not consist in the abundance of things that I possess. Luke 12:15 My situation of need provides an opportunity for others to reach out and minister and for me to practice humility in admitting need and accepting help.

Illness? Here I see an opportunity to get my priorities straight. In Jesus’ day everyone pressed on him to heal their diseases but he wanted to heal their lost and sinful souls. I can learn about being OK with his sovereignty by asking him for healing or for grace to deal with it. Sometimes he says OK sometimes, later, sometimes he says no as with the apostle Paul’s thorn in the flesh sometimes he gives us what we demand and sends leanness to our soul. Recently I was almost dying with Covid low oxygen and I remembered, by God’s grace, to thank him for the illness and ask for healing and ask to learn any lessons he was teaching and to leave the outcome in his hands.

The Bible says that I should cast ALL my cares on him because he cares for me. This means that if I fail to cast my cares on him I must question his care for me.

I find that I must go beyond putting up with the reality I am currently facing with all it’s legitimate pain and loss and unfairness; no, I must see and thank God for his positive intentions and cooperate with him in letting him produce them.

I must not be pollyanish and deny the difficult and painful; but I must see my God as big enough to allow these and say thanks anyways, seeing both the good in the difficult and the presence of pleasant comforting positives at the same time as the problems. I must look for what God is helping me do, giving me to use and enjoy, people he is working through, the abilities he has given me to use for him and others and the serendipities that show he knows and cares and is involved.

“Lord, teach me to say “Thank you for this”, “Thank you now”, “Thank you always no matter what!”

FORGIVENESS-Word definitions

FORGIVENESS: GOD’S IDEAS ON THE SUBJECT (Watch out for the devil saying, “You should forgive!” and then giving a bad definition for which you will get no help from God to do because it is not what he is asking for.)

This week in your personal or family devotions, please look up the following verses and ponder

  1. What do they say?
  2. How should I then live?
  3. What kind of emotional struggle do I have to the thought of applying these truths?

Luke 23:34
2 Samuel 12: 9-15
Genesis 50:16-21
Exodus 10:14-20
2 Chronicles 7:14
Psalm 86:5
Luke 6:37,38/ 15:18.19
Matthew 5:39-48/ 6:12-15/ 18:21-35
I John 1:9
I Corinthians 5:1-7,13/ 2 Corinthians 2:6-11, 13:10
2 Thessalonians 3:14,15
Galatians 6: 1,2
Ephesians 4:32
Colossians 3:13
Romans 12:17-21
Job 31:29,30
Acts 7: 60
I Thessalonians 5:15
I Peter 3:9
I Timothy 1:20
Joel 2:25
Leviticus 26:41,42

FORGIVENESS: By God’s grace, not letting what others have done to me to be an excuse for sin or for feeling distant from God or for constant review. (See my blog on POOR ME) It does not rule out setting painful limits on the other for their own good. It does cause me to be careful lest I wind up justifying even worse things. It does not mean that I do not have any painful feelings when I think about what happened. It does not mean that there is no scarring in my emotions and reactions from what happened.

There is what forgiveness means in my life and there is what it takes for them to be forgiven by God who is the one actually offended. After David’s sin that involved adultery with Bathsheba and killing Uriah her husband to cover it up. David wrote Psalm 51:1-19 “Against you, God and only against you have I sinned and done this evil in your sight.”


God warned, “In the day that you eat of that tree, you shall surely die!”

Eve took a bite and handed it to Adam. He looked at her and saw a georgeous woman who seemed to still be full of life, so he took a bite and we all died. For as by one man sin entered the world and death by sin…

The devil is so sneaky and can’t help but lie lie lie. John 8:44 He takes advantage of the fact that death comes bit by bit to suggest that death is not coming at all. Sin is a lot like exposing ourselves to radiation. Death comes when we have accumulated a certain level. One can get enough in a moment to be killed but usually it is additive.

Young people have the most trouble with this, they eat poorly, don’t exercise, don’t sleep, worry worry worry, allow bitterness to fester, sleep on the beach exposed to the sun, and seem to be doing OK. They plan to get back on track later, just in time to avoid the consequences of their choices. However they will never be as healthy as they would have been if they had remembered NOW their creator in the days of their youth. Ecclesiastes 12:1 True, God can take the years that the locusts have eaten and do some restoring but he usually turns the damage I have done into a message to young people to avoid my errors. The most expensive thing that I can give young people are the lessons that I have learned from messing up. I am glad to give these for free in an attempt to salvage something from the mess, but young people always want to learn from earning long term consequences from their own repeating my mistakes for themselves.

I often wish that young people could spend a week as themselves at 71, (that’s how old I am) and then go back and live their life differently. Recent research showed young people a picture of what they are likely to look like at 70 by taking their present picture and aging it. (This is a tool that law enforcement uses to see what a person would look like now when the only picture is old) Amazingly the young people went out and bought life insurance and took future planning more seriously.

I think the devil suggests that “sin is fun and godliness is hard work and inconvenient; Acts 24:25 so enjoy sin now and repent later”. We need to get the message out that godliness is fun and “addeth no sorrow.” Proverbs 10:22

Death is accumulating. In Adam’s day it took 1000 years to kill them off and now we are down to 80 and still we don’t get it. We are all dying.

No I can’t avoid physical death unless Jesus returns first. However I can acknowledge that God has given me health instructions to slow the process and keep me serving him and others as long as possible. He says to let go of guilt and bitterness, focus in the present, live in hope, focus on the needs of others, eat healthy, get a good nights’ sleep etc. 1 Corinthians 9:27

I can move from death into life, by the grace of God and find that my inner man is a little younger and more fully alive each day even as the outer man dies. John 5:24, 2Corinthians 4:16

Oh death where is thy victory, oh grave where is thy sting? the sting of death is sin and Jesus has bought me victory over sin and death! I Corinthians 15:55Verle BellUncategorizedLeave a comment 2 MinutesEdit


I was walking past a house recently that had a sign, “In this house we believe in science.” By which they mean, “We can live by sciences biased unproven conclusions if that allows us to do what we want to and to judge others as being less “Correct” than we are.

Well what does basic science say about KNOWING?

It says that one can not ‘KNOW’ anything based on science alone.

It says that all systems of logic including “science” begin with unprovable assumptions which (If true) then the rest of the logic would follow. You see, faith is needed for believing in science and so all scientific lines of reasoning and all scientific conclusions are in fact– not fact but faith based.

One never sees anything. Photons flow into my eyes to the thalamus and are shunted to the nor-epinephrine cortex which compares the patterns flowing in to imperfect and often erroneous maps programmed by my childhood and subsequent experiences. They may approximate reality closely enough to let me function but they ignore what I don’t want to see or was never trained to see or think is not worth looking for and emphasize things that “prove” my biases. They also “see” things that aren’t there if I really want to see them.

Science also says that the basic act of observing anything changes it from what is was before I observed it and from what it would have been if I had not disturbed it by observing it. (Just try inviting your boss to stand over you all day and watch you work and see if it affects your speed and mistake levels.) Jesus says that the people of this world have eyeballs that do not see and ears that do not hear. Mark 8:18 Even when the proof that he was God was so evident that the religious leaders said, “We really need to stop this guy before all the people seeing his powerful works and run after him.”

How can people, knowing that God is God and that he spoke everything into existence, still cling to and act as if he did not. How can they see the good works that God still does in the lives and families of his people (greater works than even Jesus did) and still hate us and try to kill us?

It turns out that what we see and hear and believe has nothing to do with reality but is predetermined by what we want (our lusts), even before we start looking and observing. 2 Peter 3:3-5

Thus, so called, I Timothy 6:20 science wants to be free of God’s kingship, they want to be in control of their own lives, they do not want to admit their comparative ignorance, they do not want to owe God anything, they want to take credit for their blessings and accomplishments, “See this great city that I have built” : so they have to see a world that is explainable without God, (It is definitely not) Even when they have proved that evolution could not occur, they would rather theorize that DNA was brought here from another alien planet rather than pause and worship God. Romans I:21,22 They remind me of how “science” tried to explain the movement of the planets and stars while believing that the earth was at the center of the universe.

If you think that you know, you do not know as you ought to know which is that, apart from God you do not know. I Corinthians 8:2 .

In John 1:1 we read, “In the beginning was the LOGOS. Definition? The perfect beginning, middle and end of all logic.

Jesus is that LOGOS.

If I start anywhere other than with, “Dear Jesus help me to see the full and balanced truth for I am blinded by what I secretly want,” will lead to twisted seeing. So, it turns out, that anyone thinking they are logical–can not be. Anyone humbly admitting their limitations and seeking God’s logic will find it.

Don’t forget that the Bible is God’s love letter to those who love and listen and trust him. It is no wonder that people reading other people’s love letters, with warped motivations, get confused.

Lord open my eyes that I may see! 2Kings 6:17-20 Psalms 119:18 Acts 26:18

POOR ME! I’m am more a victim than you so you owe me and I should not have to do anything!

In I Kings 19:10 Elijah is whining that he is the only one left and everyone is out to kill him. Jonah was asked by God if he had a good excuse to feel depressed and want to die because his gourd had died. Job had a good reason to say, “why hast thou set me as a mark against thee, so that I am a burden to myself?” Asaph in Psalms 73 says that God is good to others, “but as for me, my feet were almost gone; my steps had well nigh slipped, and as for the wicked that did me in, they seem fat and happy.” It does make some sense to feel that living in this sin filled world I am a victim. The error lies in thinking that other people are not also victims, or that my victimization is much worse than theirs. It lies in the delusion that my consequences are unfairly harsh for the small thing that I did, or even in believing that I am innocent and actually deserve God’s love and peace and prosperity; or that, when my pain comes from others’ choices, then God owes me one or someone should and will and can pay for my restitution.

All people are victims. It is impossible to assess one person’s hurt to be greater than another’s. Many children are beaten, starved, or used sexually. I was just invisible. I seemed to have a great childhood. Yes I was ignored by my parents and siblings and left to raise myself in a missionary boarding school, but I was not beaten or starved and I was given a great education. Is that deprivation bigger or smaller than being beaten or starved? If grossly abused, I could eventually realize that no child deserves to be beaten or starved and hopefully work on it. I on the other hand still struggle with the feeling that I exist to be “perfect” and help everyone else and then I will be no one and nothing but if I fall short then I will be less than nothing. I think that we all are victims and unable to say that ours is worse or less than others. No matter what my past hurts God still calls me to repent and admit my sins and seek help in growing from the pain and loss.

I remember running a group in an all female inpatient psychiatric unit. 80% or more had been molested and abused as children. I would sit by the door for easy escape if needed and start with the verse in Ephesians 5:20 “Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the father in the name of or Lord Jesus Christ”. Boy would they get mad. “Surely God does not want me to be grateful for what my earthly father did to me!”

Only when, in faithful obedience, they said” Lord I thank you for your good intentions in allowing this even though I can not see anything to be grateful for, still I thank you that you are bigger than even this and you long to heal me and to bring good from evil.”

Only then did they start to heal. As long as they thought that God owed them one for letting the victimization occur, they could not grow or heal.

The only way out is to not compare, to take my own reality and thank God for his intentions. Just as Joseph did in Exodus 50,”Yes you meant it for evil but God meant it for good.” To relate to other hurting people and share our own healing process with them, to ask for and accept help in overcoming and be grateful for it and to give a helping hand to other fellow sufferers.

I remember a hurting abandoned wife who had let God heal her and help her grow and now she just wanted to put it all behind her. However God kept bringing other hurting people into her life and using her to help them. She finally accepted God’s way of turning an evil into a good.

If the devil destroys and God rebuilds then they are basically equal, but if the devil destroys and where sin abounds grace even more abounds and God brings so much good from the situation that the devil wishes he had never attacked; then God is clearly greater.

Lord help me to identify the consequences of living in this sin filled world and to be grateful for your good intentions in letting it happen and to cooperate with you in turning my suffering into growth and ministry and to bringing glory to yourself.


There was emotional pain in the garden of Eden even before any sin had occurred! 

    Adam looked around at and worked at naming all the animals two by two  but there was just one like himself. God looked at this and said that the condition was not good. Genesis 2:18

     All fulfillment comes from emptiness filled. Adam had to realize that something was missing, he had to feel lonely, before he could experience the thrill and gratitude of receiving Eve.

     I don’t know about you, but loneliness is about as painful a feeling as I can experience. I often feel it even when surrounded by lots of people wanting to talk to me and gain benefit from what I say. I find that no amount of appreciation takes away loneliness. What I need is to be SEEN for who I am and to have the other person LIKE BEING with me just because I am.   

    If, in order to be liked, I have to hide parts of who I am, then the affirmation does not take away my loneliness. I think, “If they really knew me they wouldn’t like me so it does not count.” However, if I let them see who I am, they value the knowledge and wisdom but feel uncomfortable and don’t hang around.  

    In the poem, The Hound of Heaven by Francis Thompson, the author says that all earthly things will let me down until I quit running from my Heavenly lover and seek my needs at his hand.

In the Poem Jesus says to me as I flee him to find myself in people or nature or work:

Lo, all things fly thee, for thou fliest Me! Strange, piteous, futile thing! Wherefore should any set thee love apart? Seeing none but I makes much of naught’ (He said), ‘And human love needs human meriting: How hast thou merited? Of all man’s clotted clay the dingiest clot? Alack, thou knowest not how little worthy of any love thou art! Whom wilt thou find to love ignoble thee, save Me, save only Me? All which I took from thee I did but take, not for thy harms, but just that thou might’st seek it in my arms. All which thy child’s mistake fancies as lost, I have stored for thee at home. Rise, clasp My hand, and come!’ (Halts by me the footfall of his hounding steps. Is my gloom, after all, shade of his hand, outstretched caressingly?) Ah, fondest, blindest, weakest, I am He Whom thou seekest! Thou dravest love from thee, who dravest Me!

The problem is that, to get rid of my weakness, I must give up all sense that I deserve and can earn acceptance elsewhere. I must accept that in me dwells no good thing and any attractive beauty others see in me must come from Jesus and point to him.

Then all these other things will be added unto me. Matthew 6:33 I must use the sensation of loneliness to flee to Jesus and ask for a hug and I must tell Jesus all of my trials and joys and needs. When he is enough, then and only then will I feel fulfilled by: spouse and children and jobs and friends and activities of distraction.

Of course Jesus is invisible and all these other things seem big and in my face. John 20:29 I need to be still and know. Psalm 46:10 I need to go into my “closet” to hear his still small voice. Matthew 6:6 Life is so noisy that it is hard to hear him and let him take away my loneliness. I suppose I could wait till heaven when he will be visible, but I want to walk with him today, I am ALREADY his and dwell in him and he in me and we in the father. John 14:20

True freedom from loneliness will have to wait till heaven but I can find relief in the here and now by finding Jesus to be enough and then letting him love me through his people. John 13:35 Sometimes, like Elijah, I do have fellow brothers and sisters but feel as if, “Poor me, I’m the only one” I Kings 19:10

If I try to get rid of the feeling entirely with intense relationships or alcohol or being entertained and busy, it will always let me down and cause damage.

    Dear Jesus, thank you for the blessing of loneliness that make time with you so needed and so precious, thank you for taking away my loneliness now and for all eternity, thank you that you never leave me nor forsake me. Hebrews 13:5