SELFISH SHYNESS

I have often pointed out that I am the shyest person that I know. People often laugh when I say that, because, by the grace of God, I do not act in the shyness that is still strong in me. One time I was given the privelege of doing a devotional for my high school friends at a reunion. God gave me grace to do a reasonable job. Afterwards, they all came up and commented, “You talk!” God had helped me give my pride and fears of what others would think of me, to him. I listened his advice to Moses, “Who made your mouth? I can help you talk.”

I ran groups for years and years. Every single new participant said, “This is all wonderful but, you see, I am just too shy, so don’t expect me to say anything.” I pointed out that God is not always cooperative with our shyness and will give us insights that our fellow Christians need and which, if we do not share, will not simply come from another source. God is more interested in building teamwork with our fellow believers, than in delivering the specific idea someone needs.

I suggested they start small, listen to others sharing and if another person shares something that seems wise and helpful, but no one says so, they will feel that their sharing was “stupid or irrelevant”. Start by saying things like, “I agree, that is really helpful, that took courage to share etc.” This is what Koinonia, fellowship, is all about.

We fear that, since we did not experience the exact circumstances as the other person, that they will simply say, “you just don’t understand”. Of course, that would be painful. If we take the risk to share and it is criticized, it can be painful. However, pain is a healthy part of people getting to know and bless each other. The Bible says that ALL problems are “common to man” which means that only the surface detail differ but that we can relate to one another’s struggles. Say something like, “Under similar inner conflict, God showed me———“.

One of the strangest examples of the terrible impact of shyness is prayer. People are extremely hesitant to pray aloud, for fear that they will not be eloquent. God says, “When you can’t find the right words, pray anyways. The Holy Spirit will translate into God-talk for you.” The same holds true for reading the Bible our loud.

The scriptures promise that where two or three are gathered in Jesus name, there he is in the middle of the group. Do we suppose that the two or three are gathered to sit silently and stare at each other? No we are to share songs, verses, ideas and prayer. When a brother is overtaken in a fault we are to examine ourselves and try to restore them.

True, the church is at fault, only letting those who sing or preach perfectly get up and share and having no opportunities for really sharing with each other. But do we do what the church feels comfortable with or do we listen to the Holy Spirit and his Word? It is convenient to assume that our pastor and church are correct on every point and procedure. However, the apostle Paul praised the Bereans for going to God and the Bible to see if Paul got it right.

Of course, sharing that we have struggled also and how God is working in our lives, leaves us vulnerable to being judged by the people we are trying to support. I often envy the alcoholics in AA who all have the “goods” on each other so are free to be real. A new sponsor starts by sharing with the newly sober friend their own struggles.

Shyness itself is not sin, allowing my shyness to keep me from sharing is sin. It is saying that, “I don’t care about your needs enough to let God minister to you through me, if sharing makes me uncomfortable.

I tried to pastor a church and attempted to start a prayer group that would pray for the specific needs of our neighbors. I offered to go with church members to their neighbors and say, “We have a prayer group to pray for community needs, if you or your loved ones have financial or health or relational problems, please let us know and we will pray diligently. All we ask is that you let us know how God works in order to strengthen our faith.” (How innocous is that?) The church members were so worried about what their neighbors would think of them that they would rather let them go to Hell than bother them with offering to pray.

Interestingly, most evangelists are shy people who have had to overcome in order to do God’s work.

“Lord thank you for my shyness which helps me not to be bombastic or to forget about grace, or where my worth comes from. Also thank you for pushing me into situations that are hard for me and then speaking through the mouth that you have made. Please use the words to bless others.”