The truth won’t work on someone who WON’T examine themselves or accept feedback.
PASSIVE AGGRESSION: Irritating others by getting them to count on us then not coming through while fooling ourselves by believing that we have good intentions and are actually unusually loving, kind, gentle, patient, faithful, peaceful.
We cause others to count on us and then subconsciously, let them down.
When they complain we have an excuse (preferably making our own failure be their fault,”You didn’t give me enough time, I am trying don’t I get some credit for trying?, You weren’t clear enough, I didn’t intend to break it etc etc,.)
We then promise to come through if they give us another chance
We then let them down again and ROUND AND ROUND.
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This approach works so well to avoid personal responsibility and to let them get back at others, that they never change because they are totally unable to self examine or accept feedback.
I can’t change or ever do well in life if I do not examine myself; admit that I am much worse that I can possibly see; ask for feedback; consider the feedback; apply the feedback and reward the feedback.
If I can’t help my passive aggressive friends maybe I can learn from them. What can I learn? THE BENIFIT OF CONSTANT SELF EXAMINATION AND SEEKING BALANCING FEEDBACK FROM OTHERS!
Recent study has shown that people who do poorly due to no feedback THINK that they are doing much better than they are. They wonder why others don’t agree. They are “polite” but inwardly shake with rage when others point out their obvious shortcomings. The question was whether the ignorance of their own reality came from low IQ or what? Later research suggests it correlates with LACK OF FEEDBACK.
I need to be prayerful and honest to that extent that my delusional brains can be. I need to ask, “Do I appreciate negative feedback and apply it to my life?” Just saying to those around me, “I am always open to criticism my door is always open, you may tell me anything.” Does not mean it is true. I have NEVER had a boss who said that I could give them feedback, listened without defending or explaining and actually changed ANYTHING although several have said that, “my door is always open”. Needless to say, most bosses think more highly of themselves than they ought to think. Do I encourage feedback by pointing out to those who know me that I am examining myself in order to grow and wonder if they see anything else?
Or do I make sure I have no feedback? Let me count the ways (at least a couple of them) I claim ability and dare others to disagree. I know of a woman who couldn’t sing a note on key who tried out for the choir saying “At least I can carry a tune.” What was the director supposed to say? “No you can’t!” We isolate and just make sure no one hears one of our opinions or sees us try anything that they could then give feedback on. We are always pointing out everyone else’s flaws as if we are the final judge. We counter attack, “Well, you’re not so great yourself” We only hang out with people who think exactly as we do.
Passives also are always preparing and never doing. The sluggard is wiser in his own conceit than seven men that can render a reason Proverbs 26;16
Now is the day of salvation, now is the appointed time. Do we go to classes and meetings and keep waiting till we feel ready to reach out to others.
Needless to say, TRUTH does no good for passive aggressives, because feedback is truth accepted and applied.
Lord help me examine myself, especially before communion but also on a regular basis. I Corinthians 11;28
Lord teach me to think on my ways and turn my feet to your testimonies. Psalms 119;59
Lord help me search and try my own ways and turn again to you. Lamentations 3;40
Lord when I consider and turn from my ways to yours, give me LIFE. Ezekiel 18;28
Consider your ways! Yes consider your ways says the Lord. Haggai 1;5,7
Lord make me tired of this world’s pig-slop and bring me to senses and return to you. Luke 15; 17
Go ahead and search me O God, even if you have to use other people even my enemies to help me see and learn.
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