I’m a severe co-dependent, I don’t want to be a burden, so I don’t share with the ones who love me, which makes me an even bigger burden because they wonder how I am doing and feel helpless to help.
Instead of not sharing I should help them help us.
Of course this would take some uncomfortable honesty because every conversation, to result in real growth, must begin with:
1.what I am doing to mess things up, how is it that I yield my body members to doing the opposite of what God would have suggested.
2.It must then proceed to my awareness of God’s ideal.
3. I must be more of the painful results of my current approach.
4. I must, then, strive to be practical, given my weakness and limited knowledge and the sin that does so easily beset me. Then I need to let God change me and make plans for future support and growth.
BEFORE I share all this,though, I need to let them know what I am looking for from them: Do I just need encouragement and support? or accountability, or feedback as to what has worked for them in similar situations? Or do I need them to just listen or to go with me as I go to address a situation. Would they listen to what I think might work and give me their thoughts on the practicality? And, of course I always need their prayer, which is enhanced in effectiveness by my giving them a specific situation or time for prayer support. ( I never ask the other to “tell me what to do”. My mind would not be in the solutions mode so would block the suggestion. I never ask them to do my work for me as that would weaken me and abuse them.)
It is important to be specific about both my problem reactions, about how I need God’s help in changing MY RESPONSES. I need to give specific situations not vague generalities, Unless to share specifics would hurt someone else’s reputation.
Lastly I need to listen to responses without saying YES, BUT! I need to then go apply all of the advice that fits with God’s word and then tell the other person how their advice helped me.
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