Do you struggle with low energy and secretly envy others with abundant ability to serve God, feeling that you are not as important, as pleasing to the Lord.
A missionary had been raised in the mission field, was bilingual, and felt that her mission field was in the country where she was raised. She was “hot” for the The Lord .. She loved the language and the people and the culture. When she graduated college she returned to the mission field. She served in her church, a Christian missionary training facility, and the local churches doing training seminars or playing special music. She befriended non-natives who needed to have a friend to speak English to. She refused all offers of marriage until she met a man called to that special place. They were joyfully married and got established in their field. The Lord provided their support, housing, and even special things like a washer and dryer-not common in that country. She was very happy serving God.
Overnight,her life changed when her daughter was diagnosed with cancer. She had to leave the work to relocate in the United States. When the child was well, she was diagnosed with thyroid cancer which, when treated, left her without her former energy. Now instead of being a busy missionary joyfully serving in churches and Christian schools, she was a tired home-maker. Also her missionary husband had to take a regular job. She lost her identity. She struggled to get that “fire” back.
Then the Lord revealed to her that when she had been a big producer for the Lord she sometimes lacked patience with others who did not have her training, abilities, high energy or drive. The Lord used this major life change to convict her of the pride of attaching her worth to all she could do. He taught her to be content in his will. Slowing down and doing the little she could, deepened her walk with God and she had more empathy for others.
I have already said that when it is easy to jump up and go, there may not be any special reward in that. Love is proved most in doing for Jesus what doesn’t come easily. When we are sick or clinically depressed, and I do the little that I can that pleases God and he rewards “my feeble efforts”. It is enough to yield the parts of my body and take the next step-just one step at a time”. It is really hard to overcome physical and emotional limitations, but so much easier when I think of the Lord using even these hard things for my good and the good of others. To see others overcoming and not being ashamed to share their struggles.
PS: In Hudson Taylor’s SPIRITUAL SECRET I found further insight into how one can love the Lord, His word, His ways, His people and still burn out and become judgmental of those who are “less spiritual”. He had to return to England a broken man , get to the end of himself, stop trying to cause God’s purpose for his life to come true, get out of the way and let God build His church through Hudson’s yielded self. John Wesley felt too much purpose and strived to do God’s work and build His church and he returned from Georgia a broken man, got to the end of himself and then let God see what He could do through John’s yielded body members. Let’s get sick and tired of striving and just yield ourselves to God tiredness, impulsivity, judgmentality and all and see if He can do anything with the pieces.